It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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