break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You were trust falling into bushes
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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