Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
