Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
