Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
