we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
