I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
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