She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
