She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
