So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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