Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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