My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
