Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
