Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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