I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
