I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize