I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
