When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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