dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
