i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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