Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize