Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
