I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
