she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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