so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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