summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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