you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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