You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
