They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
