I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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