I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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