Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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