the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
