I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
