Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
