Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
