do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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