R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
