Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
