ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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