I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
