And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
