I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize