Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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