HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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