are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
