I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
