I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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