Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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