angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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