Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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