When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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