is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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