Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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