that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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