i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
