dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
