hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
