There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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