Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
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