i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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