Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Your penis caused this!
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