gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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