Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
