Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
thus making me awesome and them whores
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Randomize
