Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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