his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
