I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
