I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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