CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
