is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize