1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
